Melea Has Two Dads – And That’s Not a Problem

Melea hates school. 

She is 4 years old and was adopted at birth by two gay men. Her dads (Mark and Sam) are Caucasian and Melea is African American-Latino.

Every afternoon, a nanny picks up Melea from preschool. As is typical with young children, the class is busy learning to classify and understand differences. So the loud announcement comes, “Melea, your mom is here.” This woman “matches” Melea’s skin color. 

Melea yells back, “She’s not my mom.” We have discussed families with the children and while they know Mark and Sam, it just doesn’t sink in. 

Recently Sam approached me. Melea complains about school every morning. We discussed possible ideas and solutions. Sam offered to come in and present a circle time to the children. He wanted to talk about adoption and share a little about their family life. I thought this was a brilliant idea. 

I wrote up a paragraph in my monthly family newsletter informing the families that Sam and Mark would be coming in to do a morning circle. I said that they would be talking about adoption, different types of families and people of different racial backgrounds.

“Homosexuality is not a topic for preschool,” came a comment from a one family.

“I refuse to allow my child to listen to a gay agenda,” said another.

“You need to provide a separate place for my child, so he can’t be influenced,” another said matter-of-factly.

“Why would you allow gay people to talk to the children?”

I was astounded by the backlash. But as an educator, I practiced active listening—over a few weeks.   

Most of these families have known each other for years. Many of them work together. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I called Sam and asked him how he deals with such hatred every day. He responded that they aren’t talking to him. They are talking to me. I was the buffer, the easy one to approach, the safe one. They could spew their raw opinions and remain anonymous to the family they are putting down. They’d say, “Have a nice day,” with a smile to the dads that afternoon.

I decided to stick with our circle time plan.

So Sam and Mark arrived bearing a gift of books for the classroom, Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman and One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads by Johnny Valentine. They talked about how adoption works, how Melea came to be part of their family and the fact that they are a family with two dads. Everything was kept very simple and at an appropriate level for preschool children.

The outcome was remarkable. Melea now feels understood and accepted by her peers. Her atypical family was recognized and celebrated in front of her whole class. Several parents participated and went away with a deeper understanding. In the end, only one family stood firm and opted out of this circle discussion for their child.

I haven’t regretted my decision. All the children benefited from this one morning. Melea hasn’t had to tell anyone that the nanny isn’t her mommy. And she wants to come to school again.

Kellie Cunningham Bliss teaches at Sierra College and lives in California.