Yolanda Abel is a 41-year-old college professor and a single parent of a 12-year-old daughter, Akila. Yolanda, who identifies as African American, teaches human learning and diversity at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Md. She says conversations about difference have always been a part of parenting Akila - some more difficult than others.
"When my child was about 4 years old, we were walking down the street together, and a woman and girl who appeared to be black were walking in the opposite direction, toward us," Yolanda says. "The child looked at my daughter and called her a nigger."
Yolanda says even though her daughter had never heard the slur before and didn't know what it meant, she knew from the girl's tone and facial expression that it was a bad thing. Yolanda says Akila looked confused, asking, "Why did that girl say that to me?"
Yolanda used the moment to talk to Akila about the slur, its history and impact on people of color. She says many other issues have come up over the years, leading to ongoing conversations with Akila about everything from same-sex relationships to misogynistic music lyrics to gender roles and stereotypes.
Yolanda says the elementary years and influences of other children have brought with them many questions and comments that have sometimes surprised her.
"Akila came home from school one day and asked me when I'm going to get married," Yolanda says. "I told her, joking, 'I'm going to marry you.' She looked at me and said, 'Girls can't marry each other.'" Yolanda says she took the opportunity to explain to Akila that sometimes people do fall in love with people who are the same sex. She also says she talked to her about the fact that it's OK not to marry.
Yolanda says now that Akila is older, the conversations are far more sophisticated. In fact, Akila sometimes sits in on Yolanda's diversity and human learning classes at the university.
"By virtue of what I do for a living, she has been exposed to many viewpoints on topics like diversity, race and stereotypes. She has formed some strong opinions of her own on some of those issues," Yolanda says. "I always try to be honest and forthright with her, no matter what she asks me. My hope is that I'm teaching her to know that she is an intelligent, beautiful and spiritually divine person. I think when you're able to love and accept yourself as a good and decent human being, you can love and accept others."
