Cindy Hilbinger is an ESL teacher at an elementary school in Greensboro, N.C., and the mother of a 13-year-old daughter, Katie Bess. Cindy, who is white, spent her childhood in an Air Force family, exposed to different people in different countries and cultures. She says her husband, though not from a military family, grew up much the same way, in a home that stressed the importance of accepting diversity.
"We have tried to pass those values on to our daughter," Cindy says, adding that the family made a conscious choice to purchase a home in an area that was more racially diverse than other areas they considered. "We wanted to give her the chance to interact with different people, to go to school and have friends from all different races and backgrounds."
Frank discussions about everything from racial discrimination to white privilege to demeaning music lyrics have been an important part of Katie Bess' upbringing. Cindy says those discussions have become so familiar to Katie Bess that she often knowingly looks at her before a conversation and says, "I know, Mom, another teachable moment." Though Katie Bess jokes about such moments, Cindy believes they have encouraged her daughter to think more critically.
Those "teachable moments" crop up often in everyday situations. Sometimes it may be a news report that sparks a conversation. "I've talked a lot about the immigration issue - it's personal to me because I work with a lot of immigrant students. I talk to Katie Bess about some of the rhetoric we hear in the news and about why people have certain attitudes about immigration. I hope in doing that, she'll be less likely to believe everything she hears or to have a negative view of immigrants."
Other times, it's not a news story but something as common as a shopping trip that brings up an important conversation. Cindy describes a recent trip with a close friend, an African American woman with twin daughters. "I was carrying one of the babies while my friend had gone someplace else with the other one. I noticed that people stared, some of them looked like they were trying to figure out what I was doing with this black child; others gave disapproving looks," she says. "One woman gave this noticeable look of relief when my friend walked back around the corner with the other baby and came over beside me. It was as though she was saying to herself, 'Thank goodness.'"
Cindy believes it's the job of every parent to teach children about respecting and accepting others. "It's important for Katie Bess to know there are people out there who will look at a person differently just because they are holding a child of another race. And it's important for her to know that is wrong."
