Susan Gordon Ryan of New York is a 56-year-old mother of two teenagers, a 13-year-old daughter, Taylor, and an 18-year-old son, Shayne. As vice president of development for a nonprofit organization dedicated to serving and empowering people with disabilities - and as a survivor of childhood polio who lives with several residual effects from the disease -Susan has strong beliefs about what and how children should be taught about differences.
"I really think a lot of tolerance education is done by example," Susan says. "Growing up with a disability, I saw that a lot of it has to do with educating both the children and adults who are around about what it means to be different. Barriers are broken when we are introduced to people who aren't just like us."
In many ways, Susan says, children pick up cues from parents about how to respond to differences. "If a child comes over and asks a question about someone's disability, you should answer," she says. "There is a purity about children when they're open to asking questions. A lot of parents will discourage it, but it shouldn't be discouraged. Children aren't asking in a cruel sense, and there is nothing wrong with honest questions."
At times, Susan has had to remind her own children that it's OK to ask questions. She remembers a few years ago when her daughter came home from school and was upset because a classmate asked a question about the crutch Susan uses to walk. "My daughter burst into tears, saying, 'I don't want them to call you disabled or talk about your crutch,'" Susan recalls. "I let her know it was all right for her classmates to make those comments, and I tried to help her feel more comfortable responding by reassuring her that her friends were just being curious."
Susan believes real acceptance comes with familiarity and has seen evidence of that belief in her two children. "I think it was inherent for them," she says of Taylor and Shayne. "I think there is a certain sensitivity and awareness that comes along with having a parent who has a disability, and that sensitivity and awareness goes beyond me or what I need done. They have always been good about helping others, too. And they have always been good about recognizing unfairness and injustice and wanting to do something about it."
Susan's son, Shayne, is entering his freshman year in college and has chosen special education as his major. Her daughter, Taylor, now volunteers for a local toy-lending library for children with disabilities.
Instilling the desire to accept and help others is something every parent can do, Susan says. "It's in the example that we set for our children. No matter who we are, what we look like or what our experiences are, we all have a responsibility to teach tolerance."
