Browsing through the Teaching Tolerance archives, I recently came across an older blog post on moving beyond the phrase “That’s so gay.” Like many of you, I hear that phrase far too often.
Amanda was an especially enthusiastic offender. When a math problem proved difficult to solve, she often responded to my explanations with “That’s so gay,” decorated from time to time with other choice remarks. Initially, I deflected the intent of these comments with humor, remarking that the sexual orientation of math was no concern of ours. My hope was that Amanda would see how ridiculous it is to say such things. But I quickly understood that I needed to be clear about the offensiveness of her remark. I also wanted to address Amanda’s general frustration about the subject matter.
I understood that, for Amanda, these comments were part of a pattern of self-directed negativity about math, one of the many ways her low self-image would undercut her educational progress. Math trauma is often so deep that expressions of negativity can get generalized across the whole experience and internalized as disapproval of the student herself.
I began to take a firmer stance, explaining that using the word gay in a disparaging way is disrespectful and hurtful to everyone, and particularly to LGBT people. We talked about respect, a concept that she embraced. On my end, it became a process of expressing the unacceptability of those comments as a team effort—teacher and student—united against hurtful ways of speaking and acting toward others. When educators make this alliance shift intentionally and persistently, it can create lasting behavioral change.
I followed up with Amanda by encouraging her to think about what she really means when she expresses this frustration: Does some part of the problem seem arbitrary? Is she frustrated because she feels confused? Does she not understand what the question is asking?
We came to a good place on both issues. Several weeks ago, Amanda sat for her GED math exam, the only thing standing between her and program completion. Until she has her results, though, she’s still in math class, where she continues to make great progress. The other day, she took the lead in explaining a problem to another student. “Look,” she said, “I know that it’s difficult. But once you remember the rules, it’s not that bad.”
I saw the seeds of change. She was able to voice her feelings and had started to speak from a place of confidence. By refocusing herself and the other student on the cornerstone of their knowledge—the rules—they could begin to move out of a place of doubt and careless derogatory speech.
Swoveland works with high-risk students in Massachusetts, primarily preparing them for the GED exam. He also leads enrichment and engagement programs in writing, photography and art.
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