Recognizing the Essential Self

Crow Boy, a children’s book by Taro Yashima, tells the story of a young Japanese student, Chibi, who is ostracized for being different. A teacher, Mr. Isobe, discovers something special about Chibi and gives him an opportunity to share his talent with others. As a result, Chibi becomes more confident, and his classmates gain respect for him and what he has to offer.

While Crow Boy does not reflect life in Japan today (it was first published in 1955), the story addresses a timeless, universal theme about acceptance and individual differences. Some teachers use this book with students for a lesson about taunting and exclusion. I’ve used it with teachers to introduce the idea of the “essential self” and to deepen their understanding of how they can help students feel that they belong.   

The need to belong can lead to poor decisions on the part of our students. They may, for example, diet in unhealthy ways to make themselves fit in with what they perceive is a more attractive group of people. Or they may participate in teasing or excluding others as they feel pressured to do so by their peers. These behaviors reflect a willingness to give up or conceal a part of who they are in order to belong to a social group.

I use the example of Mr. Isobe to introduce the idea of the essential self and its role in shaping one’s self-identity. I define the essential self as one’s true nature and as something present at birth. I explain that we also have a “social self,” but that this aspect of who we are develops over time and is based on social norms or what others expect of us. We promote students’ social selves to help them gain the skills and habits they need to participate successfully in the larger society. Unfortunately, the essential self sometimes gets lost or neglected in the process. 

In his efforts to help Chibi, Mr. Isobe could have focused on shaping Chibi’s social self by telling him how to interact with the other children, how to participate in class and how to stop doing “funny things” with his eyes. What Mr. Isobe did instead was spend time with Chibi, talking with him and encouraging him to share his ideas through drawing. In this way, Mr. Isobe discovered something of Chibi’s essential self—a part of Chibi that was not understood or appreciated by others in the school or community. Once his essential self was recognized, Chibi developed pride in who he was and became a respected part of the community. His differences were no longer an obstacle to belonging, and he appreciated his uniqueness, as did others.

There are several things you can do to honor the essential self and uniqueness of individual students. Here are a few suggestions.

1. Play the “unique game” several times throughout the year. This game involves telling something about yourself that makes you unique in the group. For example, one child might say, “I have a bearded dragon for a pet.” If no one else has a bearded dragon, the challenge moves on to the next person. If, however, someone else does have a bearded dragon, the child must think of something else that is unique to him or her. You may wish to caution students in advance to focus on something positive when sharing something that makes them unique.
2. Do what Mr. Isobe did—spend time with each student, looking for what makes him or her unique and special. Then provide opportunities for children to display their unique talents and interests.
3. Provide a range of options for students to show what they know and are able to do. For example, instead of relying on a prescribed written format for a book report, allow students to come up with other alternatives. One student might take on the role of a character and then present a monologue about his or her part in the story. Another student may wish to draw a panel of pictures depicting major events or themes in the story.

In addition to Crow Boy, other children’s books with messages about honoring the essential self include Frederick, A Color of His Own, Tico and the Golden Wings and Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse—all by Leo Lionni. While Crow Boy can be used with children ages 4 through about 10 or 12, the Lionni books are more appropriate for younger children.

Excellent resources teachers might use in getting in touch with their own essential self include Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck and A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer.

The title Crow Boy suggests a story about a boy, but it’s also a story about a teacher who cared deeply about each student in his classroom. This teacher found a way to recognize and honor the essential self in his students, thus transforming the classroom into a more authentic, exciting and inclusive place to be.

Wilson is an educational consultant and curriculum writer.